ATTENTION: American women have until noon on the 20th of January, in the Year of our Lord 2025, to find a man to get them pregnant or one will be selected for them.
At precisely noon, Trump will be inaugurated as the 47th president of the United States. As his first act, he will sign an executive order requiring all women to produce children for the glory of the American theocracy. Any woman without a man will be assigned one through the Supervised Triage of Unique Dads (STUD). Women caught actively not getting pregnant will be sent to the Gestational Camps in Guantanamo Bay.
A period of one year is allowed between pregnancies while the mother recuperates from her holy work.
Women who are advanced in years and no longer capable of birthing children will be assigned to a family as a helper for the purpose of helping young mothers. Any woman refusing to help raise children in any fashion will be sent to the Detroit Salt Mines.
Men who either refuse to have children or are advanced in age (65 or older) will be called "totally gay."
Thanks to clown world, it's been a great year for comedy. Here are some of our top-performing sketches of 2024!