CONCORD, NC - George Blannigan sat down to dinner with his loving family yesterday but drifted to sleep as soon as his wife started complaining about someone in her office named Cheryl in accounting. Fortunately, Blannigan is a top-notch inventor and came prepared with a mask depicting Tucker Carlson's listening face so he could hide his boredom.
"He's never been so attentive," remarked Chelsea, his wife of twelve years. "Honestly, he usually starts yawning the moment I open my mouth, but he really seemed interested in what I had to say."
"And I don't know what it is - he seems more handsome," she added, a fire in her eyes.
According to neighbors, George would often "zonk out" at dinners, catching heat from his wife.
"Not anymore with this baby!" he proclaimed, holding up his Tucker Carlson mask. "Some of the other guys at work are interested too. I may have to start my own business."
Now George Blannigan can enjoy an evening nap in peace while his wife talks about who knows what. Unfortunately, the mask hasn't worked so well on his children. They've reportedly developed terrible recurring nightmares of Tucker Carlson asking them questions and then just looking at them like they're stupid.
Satan held a press conference today responding to the big loss of Roe v. Wade. He's doing his best to keep his chin up.