BOISE, ID — Though events taking place around him threatened to envelop him in uncertainty and stress, a local man reported that he was ready to take on the world after sliding his favorite pocket knife into his jeans pocket.
Virgil Lupascu said he was briefly troubled by what he read in the news this morning — with riots and threats against the government — but quickly felt completely at peace and prepared to set things right after he clipped his ACE Biblio XL Titanium Magnacut knife onto the edge of the right front pocket of his jeans.
"Yippie ki-yay, you turkeys," Lupascu whispered to himself after slipping the EDC knife into place. "Doesn't matter what gets in my way today. Not with my buddy, ACE, here. I'd like to see somebody try something. Just try it. I'm ready."
Lupascu's friends and family confirmed that he was a very different man with his favorite pocket knife on his person. "It's easy to tell when he doesn't have it," said his wife, Annie. "As soon as that thing is in his pocket, he becomes a different man. It's like it flips a switch. He's not to be messed with, and Lord help anyone who dares to try."
His confidence in being able to handle anything the world throws at him has evolved over the years, along with his knife of choice.
At publishing time, Lupascu had told friends he was confident that he could take control of an entire continent if he ever got around to obtaining a Scottish claymore broadsword.
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