MINNEAPOLIS, MN — The malodorous substance sprayed on Representative Ilhan Omar at a town hall meeting has been identified as Somali food.
A man seated on the front row of the town hall suddenly rose and began shouting at Omar midway through the event before spraying her with Somali cuisine that had been fed through a blender.
"Oof. It smells like rice and bananas," said security guard Jim Palmer as he secured Omar. "This is the most awful stench I have ever encountered. We need to get that substance down to the laboratory immediately. It's either poo mixed with rancid eggs and sardines or Somali food."
Despite aides calling for Omar to cancel the remainder of the town hall, she bravely decided to press on. "I refuse to cower in the face of Somali food," declared Omar, returning to the podium. "These hurlers of Somali fare cannot be allowed to win. I have overcome the unwholesome effluvia of these foods many times, and I shall do so once more."
At publishing time, several town hall attendees had been hospitalized with severe nostril damage.
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