U.S. — Following the harrowing incident at the White House Correspondents' Dinner over the weekend, progressives across the United States applauded the steadily improving diversity of would-be Trump assassins.
With many liberals concerned over the lack of minority representation among people trying to assassinate Trump, Democrats breathed a sigh of relief after learning that the latest failed assassin was black.
"For too long, the would-be Trump killer space has been dominated by white men," said local liberal Jamie Gallagher. "Today was a long-overdue step forward in assassin representation. It's really encouraging to see people from different ethnic backgrounds engage in political violence. I just hope it helps little kids know that their skin color and sexual orientation do not have to hold them back from trying to kill Donald Trump."
While stating there was still more work to be done, DEI advocacy groups hailed the news of a minority assassin as a landmark victory. "When you see people of all different skin tones and socioeconomic classes trying to murder political figures, you know you've done your job," said DEI consultant Mary Harding. "To be clear, we are not there yet. There are still so many underrepresented groups who face significant barriers in trying to assassinate world leaders. We will continue the hard work of ensuring real equity among people shooting guns at President Trump."
At publishing time, progressives admitted that they had been crossing their fingers in hopes that the failed assassin would also turn out to be gay.
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