NEW YORK, NY — Following a brutal 9-19 start to the season, the struggling New York Mets announced that the team would start beloved mascot Mr. Met at third base.
Sources revealed Mets manager Carlos Mendoza reached his breaking point after a lackluster performance by Bo Bichette and other subs. Mendoza reportedly considered activating the bat boy and the groundskeeper before settling on the club's longtime mascot.
"He's 6-foot-10 with big hands and massive eyes," said Mendoza. "Hopefully that translates to high baseball IQ and keen on-field vision, as long as his humongous head doesn't get in the way."
Mr. Met reportedly had mixed feelings about his new assignment. "I was born with a giant baseball for a head, so I guess it was inevitable that I'd be asked to step onto the field," said Mr. Met. "But then again, nobody is asking the San Diego Chicken to go cook chicken sandwiches. Plus, I've only got four fingers. I'm not sure this makes sense."
The move was met with reluctant optimism on the part of fans. "Well, they can't get any worse," said lifetime Mets fan Joey Vitelli. "Might as well see what Mr. Met can do. He's pretty good with the t-shirt cannon, so we'll see what he can do with a bat. At least this way it'll be more entertaining to watch them keep losing."
At publishing time, New York Mayor Zohran Mamdani expressed excitement over the news and publicly pledged to give Mr. Met a big hug following his first game.
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