ANAHEIM, CA — The Los Angeles area of Anaheim breathed a collective sigh of relief today after authorities finally arrested owner Arte Moreno for his gross negligence of the Los Angeles Angels baseball team.
"Ladies and gentlemen, we got him," announced Anaheim Police Captain Columbus Tottenham. "This madman, Arte Moreno, has held this whole city and this beloved baseball franchise hostage long enough."
Fans gathered in the stadium parking lot to collectively console one another after hearing the good news that the police finally caught the criminal mastermind behind the downward spiral of the Los Angeles Angels. The crowd stood for hours in the parking lot hugging, crying, and even dancing in celebration that Moreno was finally behind bars for his crimes.
"It's over," said one man with tears streaming down his face. "I just can't believe it's finally over. When Moreno said that winning was not in the top five things the fans care about, I just felt so much despair. I never thought this nightmare would end."
"God finally heard our prayers for justice," said one woman with a rally monkey draped around her neck. "Nothing can take back the past 23 years of trauma, but maybe now we can begin to heal."
At publishing time, Moreno could be heard shouting in the back of the police cruiser that he "would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those meddling fans."
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