U.S. — Democrats descended into disarray this week as swirling controversies around Senate candidate Abdul El-Sayed forced the party to take a position on whether terrorism is good.
Frustrated Democratic politicians report feeling "backed into a corner" as they had to confront questions like "Was 9/11 awesome?"
"It's such a tough question," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "I really don't want to get into this issue of whether murdering thousands of American civilians is right or wrong. We're a big tent party, okay? This 'who murdered who' stuff is not what we as Democrats want to be talking about. It's just way too black and white for our taste."
Unfortunately for Democrats, El-Sayed's stance on 9/11, as well as revelations that his family had given significant money to terrorist organizations, brought the question of terrorism's goodness to the fore. "Can we just, like, not? Can we talk about Trump being bad or something?" said Senator Elizabeth Warren. "Actually, new rule. I'm going to pretend to be deaf if any of you idiots try to ask me if terrorism is bad. It's too hard of a question, and we're just not going there. Capiche?"
At publishing time, annoyed Democrats had asked if the nation could please just skip the whole "25th Anniversary of 9/11" thing so these uncomfortable conversations could be avoided.
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