HOPKINSVILLE, KY — Local Christian Stewart Tepid was careful to include a disclaimer with his recommendation of the hit TV show Naked Murder Mountain, saying, "It's a really good show besides the nudity, homosexuality, violence, swearing and drug use."
"No really, it's great! Totally worth watching," said Tepid. "Just be sure to cover your eyes when it gets all naked and stuff. Oh, and don't forget to scoff loudly when it gets gay so everyone knows you're not gay."
He continued, "Oh and it's pretty violent but there's violence in the Bible, right? And just ignore the swearing and drug use. I think that's it."
"But besides all that, it's great! The actresses are, uh, very talented."
Notably, close friends of Tepid have suggested that maybe he should not spend all his free time watching a show with so much inappropriate material, but Tepid insists those friends are just super weak in their faith.
"You have to have faith to watch Naked Murder Mountain. Otherwise, you'll never get to season 3 when it actually gets good," he said.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
