WASHINGTON, D.C. — A leak from within the Democrat party recently alleged that frustrated Democrat leaders have gone as far as considering letting voters pick the presidential candidate next time.
According to the anonymous source, Democrats are so irritated about how poorly Kamala is performing that they might even decide to run a candidate who received more than zero primary ballots next election cycle.
"How did we even get here?" cried a distraught Chuck Schumer, cursing the incompetent bungling that stuck his party with an extremely "dumb and incompetent" presidential candidate. "Fine. FINE. I guess we can get a little bit of voter input on who we run next time. Just don't get too used to it, voters!"
Democrats are reportedly so mad that they're even considering proposing policies that don't involve murdering unborn children or mutilating grade-schoolers. According to several Democrat sources, however, "those are just our last-resort ideas — we're gonna try everything else first."
At publishing time, the DNC had decided to let voters pick the presidential candidate in the next election cycle, but only if it matched the one they had hand-picked themselves.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
