Do you find yourself hesitating when it’s time to pick up tickets for the latest Hollywood blockbuster because, like many other Christians, you’re afraid to expose yourself and your family to the depraved debauchery of so many of today’s films? Do you also live with the fear of cultural irrelevance because of all the popular movies you have not seen? Well fear no more, say the creators of Gospel Theme™, a new service dedicated to helping Christian film enthusiast watch more filthy movies, watch them better, and watch them with a clear conscience.
“We, like you, love to watch today’s most popular movies,” Victor Rossi, CEO of Gospel Theme™ told reporters Thursday. “And we, like you, get offended by the mindless violence and debased sexuality that pervades so many of them. The solution, of course, is not to stop watching the films! The solution is to find the Gospel Theme™ in each one. And that is what our service will do for you.”
“The Gospel Theme™ smothers the tender conscience, emboldens the inquisitive mind, and relaxes even the most stubborn spouse,” he continued. “Our Gospel Theme™ database contains information on over 1000 films, with more being added each day. For each film we detail the gut-churning violence, pornographic erotica, and overall monstrous depravity that will soon entertain you once we show you how that film actually mirrors the gospel!”
The Gospel Theme™ offered a sneak peek of its service, sharing its take on several popular films:
Were you under the impression that The Wolf of Wall Street’s 22 sex scenes and 525 f-words made it inappropriate viewing for the Christian viewer? Gospel Theme™ will show you that it is actually required viewing for Christians who want to explore the dangers of lust and greed, the very sins our Savior died for. It’s the Gospel Theme™!
Has someone told you to be cautious with the flagrant sexuality of The Immigrant? We, like Ewa Cybulska are strangers in a strange land. That Gospel Theme™ redeems every glimpse of skin!
Have you found yourself hesitant to watch Rob Roy because of the scenes of rape and sexual exploitation? The Gospel Theme™ will set your mind at ease as you watch Rob love his wife like Christ loves his church. His enduring love for his wife will cause you to cry tears of joy even as you watch his wife being subjected to horrifying acts of sexual violence!
“Here at Gospel Theme™ we believe there is no movie so filthy and vile that you cannot watch it, if only you find the link to the gospel,” explained Rossi. “Our commitment to you is to relieve your guilty conscience by helping you find the Gospel Theme™ in absolutely any filthy movie you could ever want to watch.”
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