WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a scene reminiscent of ancient Capernaum, a crippled man was lowered through a hole in the ceiling of the Oval Office after hearing rumors of President Donald Trump's miraculous powers of healing.
The president had just finished a briefing with his staff when a group of men began ripping open a hole in the ceiling. Witnesses looked on in surprise as a paralyzed man on a cot was lowered through the opening.
"Please help our friend, Mr. President," one of the men reportedly said as he held one of the ropes tied to the lame man's bed. "We heard you like to make people better."
Trump was reportedly thrilled to see the man come down through the ceiling and called members of the press corps to come in and witness the event.
"Look at this guy, he's coming down from the ceiling, very dramatic, very beautiful," Trump said to reporters. "The Democrats wanted to give this crippled man a government-funded wheelchair that takes six years to arrive. Me, I told him, 'Stand up and walk.' And honestly, he's walking better than most of the people in the previous administration. Very sad, Joe Biden."
CNN published a story later that day criticizing the President's use of the phrase "crippled man" when he should have used the more inclusive "differently-abled cis-male."
At publishing time, another lame man was seen lying at the White House gate shouting, 'Son of Fred, have mercy on me!"
California transplants Steve and Timpani try to be the perfect Texas hosts for Brittuni's visit, but Steve quickly realizes he needs a sensible vehicle now that he's about to become a dad.
