SACRAMENTO, CA — In a historic move, California's famous black bears, in cooperation with the NAACP, met on the steps of the state capitol to demand that they now be referred to as "Bears of Color."
"For too long our people have suffered with this outdated and harmful epitaph," a spokesbear told reporters gathered at a press conference. "This is not the name we chose for ourselves. We demand to be called Bears of Color from now on."
Gathered members of the press looked on in confusion as a coalition of bears took turns at the microphone, explaining their new position.
"We will not be called by YOUR words for us," another bear said. "We come from a vast, diverse heritage, and we need a name that reflects that history. Call us Bears of Color, or we'll eat you. You decide."
Reporters admitted that they had a hard time understanding the noises coming out of the bear's mouth, as none of them spoke bear, but they thought they understood the gist of the announcement.
"A lot of arm waving, lots of growling, but I think I got the main idea," reporter Sam Sanders said. "I don't really know why any of it matters, but they seemed really fired up about it, so I guess we'll make sure to call them Bears of Color from here on out. That might get a little confusing when reporting bear attacks, though."
At publishing time, the bears announced that they were launching a campaign for media depictions of bears to include more bears of color.
Liberal Brynnleigh witnesses a communist utopia in action!
