BLOOMINGTON, MN — Local man Max Carter announced he is 100% ready for a civil war even though he needs his wife's permission to go golfing.
Carter said he was prepared to take up arms against any who would undermine the freedom and integrity of the United States, or post those nasty memes about Trump that make him so mad. Although, he might run it by his wife first.
"The American experiment must be saved from reckless libs who don't even know their own gender. I will fight to the very last they/them!" said Carter. "And I have a lot of time to work out my battle plans because my wife said I couldn't go golfing today."
According to sources, the midterm elections marked the proverbial last straw for Carter, who said he wouldn't start a civil war but would "sure as heck finish one." He has been staying up as late as his wife would let him every night reading old Civil War books to prepare himself mentally for when the left will go too far and force his hand.
At publishing time, Carter had to delay plans to meet with fellow compatriots to discuss battle strategy after his wife said no.
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