LUBBOCK, TX — A drummer in a local megachurch praise band was horror-stricken after he accidentally summoned a demon while attempting to play in 6/8 time.
Hundreds of churchgoers fled in terror as Randy Pemberton, drummer at Ultra Christ Community Church, was attacked by a demon on stage shortly after he clicked off a count of six and settled into a rhythm for "Goodness of God."
Witnesses reported seeing a portal of flame cutting through the fabric of time and a horned monstrosity climbing its way out of the pits of Hell. An unearthly sound of low, blaring trumpets followed him, joining with the drummer's sloppy 6/8 beat to create an unholy symphony.
"YOU SUMMON AMDUSIAS?!" the demonic beast cried out as it laid hold of the drummer. "YOU SUMMON BLOOD?!"
Viewers on the church's livestream were stunned to see Pemberton say, "No, not again!" before being pulled into an indescribable void where there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth.
"He shouldn't have tried to play in 6/8," said a Catholic priest who was consulted later about the incident. "Bloody Protestants."
At publishing time, Ultra Christ Community Church had been shut down by city officials and converted into a Spirit Halloween.
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