LOS ANGELES, CA — Lakers superstar LeBron James kicked off the NBA season Tuesday by performing the ceremonial opening flop ahead of the team's first game against the Golden State Warriors.
Despite being an experienced flopper, James reportedly trained for weeks ahead of the opening game to perfect his flop and show fans that he's still got it. "People think I'm a weakling when they see me flopping, but that just proves how good I am at it," James said. "So if I go out there and they see a strong man writhing on the ground, it means I let them down. I have to show these young players how it's done."
An announcer introduced James following the National Anthem, the lights dimmed, and James walked out to thunderous applause. "And now to perform the ceremonial first flop, King LeBron James!" the announcer said. Then, after briefly stretching his legs, James executed a textbook flop to the cheers of the home crowd.
According to sources, James continued to roll around all over the court while alternately clutching his knee and elbow. "Foul! Foul!" cried James, showing himself to already be in midseason form.
The crowd went wild. "No one flops like you, Lebron!" one fan shouted. Another added, "I can't wait to see how many questionable foul calls you get this year!"
"If Lebron's expert flop is any indication, this is going to be an unbelievable NBA season," said sports commentator Phil Baskets. "What a pro. Remarkable."
At publishing time, the Lakers had gotten off to an early lead before the game had even started due to LeBron hitting a few preemptive free throws.
Liberal Brynnleigh witnesses a communist utopia in action!
