BOUNTIFUL, UT — Local man James Larson made a significant life change after deciding to replace his entire personality with his affection for his newly purchased smoker.
"Have I shown you my smoker?" Larson asked no one in particular. "That smoker is a great smoker. You can smoke fish, bacon, chicken, and hot dogs. Some people say you can't smoke cornbread on there, but NOPE! You can smoke cornbread, too."
Larson spent the better part of Tuesday afternoon telling anyone who would listen about the features of his new smoker and how he planned to smoke this year's Thanksgiving turkey.
"I'm going to use an injection basting system because brining is what peasants do," Larson continued. "Hey, look, my mom is calling. I bet she'd like to hear about my methods for cleaning the racks and what sort of wood chips I'm using on this 16-hour brisket I've got on right now."
Larson's wife, Jenny, said she was getting a little tired of the smoker talk but admitted to humoring her husband because he'd been cooking so many more meals lately.
"I want to tell him he needs to talk about something else, but I haven't had to make dinner in two weeks, so I'm just going to ride this gravy train as long as I can," she said. "And I mean that literally. James told me he's trying to figure out how to smoke a literal gravy train, whatever that is."
At publishing time, Larson could be seen quietly singing to his smoker and covering it with a blanket in the cold night, a move that concerned his family, but they said they would wait until after he finished the next batch of ribs to bring it up.
Liberal Brynnleigh witnesses a communist utopia in action!
