JERUSALEM — According to sources, President Joe Biden irreversibly tarnished America's reputation in Israel when he played "Despacito" on his phone while addressing Israeli parliament. The awkward moment reportedly dashed any hopes the region had for peace.
"Why is no one dancing, I thought you people loved this song?" Biden said proudly as members of Israel's parliament looked on in horror. "Can any of you translate the lyrics for me?"
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu reportedly asked his aides where Trump was. "Great joke, guys. Very funny," he said, rolling his eyes. "Where's the real president?"
After the matter was explained to him, Biden apologized for his latest gaffe. He then proceeded to search through his phone, stepped back up to the lectern, and played "Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel."
Netanyahu is said to have admonished the American president, arguing that this was not the time for pandering because there is an actual war going on and people are dying. Secret Service agents ushered the president away as he fumbled for a different song on his phone that he felt would make Netanyahu stop yelling at him.
At publishing time, Biden had attempted to pander to King Abdullah II of Jordan by playing the "Be Like Mike" Gatorade commercial for him.
There's lots to be thankful for, libs!
