THOUSAND OAKS, CA — In an exclusive new interview, Justin Timberlake revealed that if he hadn't forced his ex-girlfriend Britney Spears to abort their child when she was 19, her mental health probably would have suffered greatly.
"She would have really gone off the deep end mentally," Timberlake said. "If I hadn't coerced her into ending the life of her own unborn child, it would have probably resulted in setting her on a downward spiral full of public breakdowns, troubling behavior, the loss of her career, and who knows what else."
"Whew! Good thing I made her get that abortion!"
Fans were shocked by the news. "How could Justin do that?!" asked lifelong Britney fan Liz Hulette. "Who would have ever thought that someone involved in the Hollywood and entertainment industry would be so self-serving and awful? Shocking."
At publishing time, Timberlake had expressed the belief that the abortion helped Spears dodge a bullet. "Could you imagine what might have happened if she had had a baby when she was that young?" he said. "Good thing she had me looking out for her!"
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
