U.S. — A new foolproof method to build long-term wealth has been discovered, as a recent survey showed that a staggering 9 out of 10 financial experts now recommend saying the N-word on camera.
Experts said the opportunity for rapid financial growth requires little to no knowledge of investments or money markets, and instead can be achieved by having someone record you hurling racial epithets and then sitting back to reap the rewards.
"It's a tactic that yields surprising results," said financial planner Michael Schmidt. "While many people are still trying to build wealth the old-fashioned way — working, saving, investing, being patient — all it really takes is saying the N-word on camera. I always advised people against falling for any ‘get rich quick' schemes, but this one obviously works."
When reached for comment, one Minnesota woman vouched for its effectiveness. "It worked like a charm for me!" said Shiloh Hendrix. "I was down on my luck, working my fingers to the bone like most people, but all I had to do was call a black kid the N-word while I was being recorded, and — BAM — all my bills are paid, I'm on my way to becoming a millionaire. Who would've thought it would be this easy? I'm going to try out a few slurs against Asians and Hispanics next to see if those work, too."
At publishing time, financial advisors said they were now making viral racist videos a centerpiece for their clients' money strategies moving forward, with many experts referring to it as the "Mel Gibson Plan."
Brynnleigh is on a mission to stop America from becoming… well, America.
