SACRAMENTO, CA — Honest, hard-working small business owners across the country have shuttered their adult bookstores, citing the inability to compete with the vast network of school libraries offering an array of X-rated adult material to an entire generation of kids.
"There's just no keeping up with public school libraries," said Vinnie Plunk, owner of the now-defunct Crazy Vinnie's Adult Books And Thoughtful Gifts. "Our old die-hard creeps are dying off and all the young, vibrant creeps are working for the American Library Association and the American Federation of Teachers now. It's sad."
Plunk shook his head as he boarded up his store, expressing how difficult it was to compete with government institutions that used tax dollars to make smut freely available to all.
Another owner had tried changing his store's name from Kinky's Adult Books to Thomas Jefferson Junior High School Library's Adult Books And Family-Friendly Naked Dancing Drag Queen Emporium, but according to bankruptcy filings, the effort proved too little, too late.
At publishing time, school libraries had all introduced students to their new, dimly-lit novelty sex toy rooms behind beaded curtains.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
