WASHINGTON, D.C. — Having failed to stop him thus far, Democrats have implemented their last-ditch attempt to prevent Donald Trump from taking office by starting World War 3.
While all efforts to indict Trump, remove him from state ballots, imprison him, and assassinate him were unable to keep him from winning a landslide victory in this month's presidential election, Democratic Party leaders were hopeful that their emergency plan of plunging the globe into nuclear conflict and a subsequent post-apocalyptic hellscape would do the trick.
"We hoped it wouldn't come to this, but we've got to do what's necessary," said one source within the Biden White House. "We tried every other plan to keep Trump from regaining power, but he still got re-elected. Now, in order to save America and democracy itself, we have no choice but to resort to our ‘scorched earth' plan. Literally scorched earth."
Top Democrats were confident that they would go down in history as heroes who prevented Trump from destroying the world by preemptively destroying the world to keep him from taking office. "Nothing preserves freedom like a good old-fashioned world war," the source said. "You can't be president of the United States if there's no United States to be president of. Checkmate, Trump."
Unconfirmed reports circulated that Democrats had hidden California Governor Gavin Newsom away in an underground bunker so he would be able to emerge as president of the smoldering, irradiated ash heap that was once the United States.
At publishing time, mainstream media outlets were praising Democrat efforts to save the world from Trump by destroying the world.
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