PALM BEACH, FL — President-elect Donald Trump just announced that he has successfully brought a resolution to the Russia-Ukraine war by convincing Putin and Zelenskyy to resolve their differences with a monster Beyblade fight.
According to sources close to the situation, Trump's solution is a "brilliant breakthrough in global politics," as the proposed resolution is expected to bring a swift end to the war.
"They all said we couldn't do it, but they were wrong," Trump said in a press conference. "This is the most brilliant move in geopolitics, frankly, since the last time I was president. Vlad wanted to use the Airmoly stadium — Cheatin' Vlad, we called him — but I said, 'No, that's not fair. We'll just use the normal Beyblade X Beystadium.' Everyone is looking forward to this, let me tell you. They all wanted to know if I'd be doing it too, but I can't because it just wouldn't be fair. I would always use the Quetzalcoatlus, so they simply wouldn't have a chance. When I let 'em rip, I always win. Zelenskyy even asked me for tips, believe me."
The move has been praised by several geopolitical analysts, some of whom believe that it could be applied with great effect to the war in Gaza as well.
At publishing time, Trump had resolved tensions between China and Taiwan by getting Tsai Ing-wen and Xi Jinping to agree to a best-of-7 game of Ninja.
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