ALLAGASH, ME — Maine Senate candidate Troy Jackson reportedly converted to Islam as a way to evade criticism for hooking up with his cousin.
Jackson said Islam is "totally what he believes in" after learning it's normal for them to marry their cousins.
"Heck, we're not even married, but I guess that's not good enough for those Christian types," Jackson said. "Fortunately, them Muslims are totally cool with it."
Jackson said he got the idea after realizing Minnesota Representative Ilhan Omar had quite the saucy affair with her brother and no one batted an eye.
"Looks like I finally put this scandal to bed," Jackson said, relieved. "My cousin, too."
Jackson's numbers among conservative Christians reportedly cratered after he converted to Islam, but sources within his campaign said the support among liberals (who make up most of Maine) more than makes up for it.
Longtime Maine resident Stephen King, who famously wrote a story where a bunch of young boys essentially band together to assault a girl, said, "Jackson is the obvious choice for this election. He's not like that monster, Trump, who has never slept with his cousin."
At publishing time, Jackson had risen in the polls after receiving a public endorsement from fellow Democrat Ilhan Omar.
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