The Babylon Bee
Politics
· Oct 28, 2026
· 27
Abdul El-Sayed Promises To Any Jews Who Vote for Him That He'll Kill Them Last
LANSING, MI - Democratic Senate candidate Abdul El-Sayed sought to reassure nervous Jewish citizens that if they vote for him, he will kill them last.
Life
· Oct 28, 2026
· 35
Doctor's Office Sends Helpful Appointment Reminder Via Email, Phone, Text, Certified Letter, Telegram, Carrier Pigeon, And Smoke Signal
ARVADA, CO - The local dentist office of Doctor Carl M. Higgins continued the practice of sending his patients an appointment reminder email, phone ca...
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Politics
· Oct 27, 2026
· 44
Ilhan Omar Calls Obama To See If He Still Has The Number For That Birth Certificate Guy
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Congresswoman Ilhan Omar reportedly held a lengthy phone call with former President Barack Obama on Tuesday, during which she inqui...
The Babylon Bee
· Oct 27, 2026
· 69
James Talarico Is The Babylon Bee’s Straight Man Of The Year
Texas Senatorial candidate James Talarico has been named The Babylon Bee's Straight Man of the Year.
Family
· Oct 27, 2026
· 37
PSA: Reese's Pumpkins Have Been Discovered To Contain Dangerous Poison So Please Give Them All To Dad For Safekeeping
EMERGENCY ALERT:
World
· Oct 26, 2026
· 95
After Late-Night Ballot Drop, Joe Biden Wins Brazilian Presidency With 81 Million Votes
BRASILIA - After a late-night ballot dump and several emergency court rulings, Joe Biden was declared the surprise winner of Brazil's presidential ele...
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Sports
· Oct 26, 2026
· 50
Cowboys Fans Concerned Another Loss Could Make It Difficult For Team To Choke In Playoffs
ARLINGTON, TX - Cowboys fans expressed growing concern this week that another regular-season loss could jeopardize the team's opportunity to suffer a ...
Scripture
· Oct 26, 2026
· 60
Pharaoh Relents After Moses Unleashes Plague Of Political Fundraising Texts
PI-RAMESSES - Mighty Pharaoh (may he live forever) has reportedly released the Hebrews from their bondage after the land was afflicted by a plague of ...
Culture
· Oct 24, 2026
· 99
LGBTQ+ To Add 'S' For Sibling
NEW YORK, NY - LGBTQ+ has just gotten a little more inclusive with the addition of an "S" for "Sibling."
Life
· Oct 26, 2026
· 57
Single Raindrop Falls From Sky, Causing Every Californian To Scream And Drive Their Car Off Cliff
LOS ANGELES, CA - A single raindrop fell from the sky Monday morning, triggering widespread panic and causing millions of Californians to immediately ...
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Premium
· Oct 27, 2026
· 55
Celebrating The 4th Anniversary Of Twitter Liberation Day
Happy (Twitter) Independence Day, friends!
Premium
· Oct 26, 2026
· 44
Are These Fit For The Funny Pages? Rejected Headlines | October 26, 2026
The Babylon Bee is dedicated to bringing you only the best headlines money can buy. Our writers constantly bring us their ideas and while some of them...
Premium
· Oct 23, 2026
· 23
The Babylon Bee Weekly Roundup | October 23, 2026
Welcome to the Bee's Weekly Roundup! We're here to catch you up on the biggest stories of the past week - and to save our dear readers from the dreadf...
Premium
· Oct 22, 2026
· 96
Open Discussion Thread: Gerwig's Narnia
A few days have passed since the psychedelic, rock-riff blasting trailer of Greta Gerwig's $250 million retelling of Narnia: The Magician's Nephew dro...
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