SCOTTSDALE, AZ — According to sources, a friend has just responded to your 22-year-old text to let you know he's sorry he didn't reply earlier, he's just not a great texter.
"Hey man, been meaning to respond to this forever, I'm not great at texting," your old friend Brad Williams texted you. "I hope you got your issues with those Creed tickets figured out. Let me know if you still want to go see Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets! I hear it's the bomb dot com."
You report remembering texting Brad on your old Nokia flip phone sometime in 2002 but in all reality you had assumed he'd died or deleted your number and hadn't thought about the text in like, two decades.
"Hey! Um….yes. Creed was great, I saw them 22 years ago. There are now six more Harry Potter films, have you been in living in a cave underwater or something all these years?" You texted back. "Anyway, I hope all is well. I'm married now with four kids, what's up with you?"
At publishing time, Brad had seen your text but became distracted by something else and promised himself he'd respond at least by 2034.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
