If you're a Christian guy looking to find a godly wife, you know it can be hard to start a conversation with a girl. But we at The Babylon Bee have much rizz, we are reliably told. Here is a pickup line to use for a girl of each Christian denomination:
Baptist: "Wanna see how many chairs I can carry?" [Then carry a lot of chairs]
Pentecostal: "Hoo-baba kanda wally wanda beeeeeeee"
Orthodox: "Nice beard."
Presbyterian: "You're so cute, it's almost enough to make me express emotion. Almost."
Non-Denominational: "Girl, I just want to, just, get to know you more, and just, really feel your presence in this place and girl, I just ask, girl, that you just, that you just go out with me this Saturday night. Amen."
Catholic: "Go out with me. I'm speaking ex cathedra, so you have to."
Anglican: Same pickup line as the Catholics but say it in an English accent.
Amish: "I talked to your dad. We're getting married this Saturday."
Lutheran: No pickup line needed — nail 95 reasons she should go out with you to her door.
Churches of Christ: "I think you and I could make some great melodies together - a capella, of course."
Methodist: [Does anyone know anything about Methodists? Let's do some research and be sure to fill this joke in before publishing.]
Evangelical Megachurch: "I'd be honored if you'd go on a date with me at one of our church campus's 14 convenient coffee shops."
Joel Osteen's Lakewood Church: "Hey there, I'm naming and claiming your heart. You're my best girl now."
Episcopalian: Oh no! That's not a girl - run!
There you go — a complete stock of godly one-liners for that special someone you've had your eye on. No need to thank us.
California transplants Steve and Timpani try to be the perfect Texas hosts for Brittuni's visit, but Steve quickly realizes he needs a sensible vehicle now that he's about to become a dad.
