GREENLAND — In a bid to sweeten the offer of becoming an American territory, Vice President JD Vance has offered Greenland the Statue of Liberty.
In addition to the Statue of Liberty, Vance announced that the people of Greenland would also receive a copy of a Home Alone 2: Lost In New York laserdisc signed by President Trump, which is reportedly in mint condition.
"It's an incredible offer," said Vance. "Not only do you get to become a part of the greatest country in the world, with the greatest President in history, but you also will get the Statue of Liberty parked right outside the city of... where the heck are we? Nuuk? We'll park it right there. Oh, and did I mention we'll also throw in one coupon for every Greenlander for a free appetizer at Applebee's?"
The Greenlanders were reportedly impressed by the offer, but felt the re-gifted nature of the statue did somewhat diminish how special it was. "It just takes a little bit away from it," said local man Nordviq Lorie. "Though the vast majority of Greenlanders support independent governance, I sure do like those loaded fries at Applebee's. I'll have to think on it."
At publishing time, Vance had even added a miniature statue of chubby JD Vance to the offer.
Mission accomplished: Satan has just confirmed that Jesus of Nazareth was crucified and will never be coming back.
