TAMPA, FL — Florida Governor Ron DeSantis announced Florida will now be launching all pro-Hamas protestors back to Gaza using a giant circus cannon.
"We can't sit by while our state is overrun with antisemites," Gov. DeSantis told reporters. "For this reason, I have authorized the use of a comically oversized circus cannon, you know the ones, to shoot all pro-Hamas protestors in Florida back over the Gaza. I mean, it's pretty basic governance, if you ask me."
Floridians could see protestors whizzing across the sky as DeSantis's plan took effect earlier this week. Local kids were employed to light the giant fuse, and the project has been funded entirely from ticket sales sold to spectators who flocked from hundreds of miles around to watch the launchings.
"This is fan-friggin-tastic!" on-looker Clem Titus exclaimed. "They're just loading those guys right into that cannon and whoosh! Off they go! Anyone chanting ‘From the river to the sea' doesn't stand a chance against that thing. It's a sight to behold."
As of publishing time, fourteen other states asked Florida for the blueprints to the cannon and announced plans to begin implementing similar programs in their own states.
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