LEXINGTON, KY — Local husband Spencer Johnson has been given a life sentence of going to the pumpkin patch every year with his wife Megan.
"Honey, do we really have to go there again? Surely, there's only so many family photoshoots we can do at the pumpkin patch," Spencer complained to his wife. "Can't we just wear flannels, drink fall-themed coffee and go to the store and buy a pumpkin for 8 times cheaper?"
His wife Megan, on the other hand, doesn't seem to think going to the pumpkin patch is a punishment at all. "Spencer, don't you WANT to spend time with your family outside?" said Megan sharply. "And anyway, it'll just take a minute or so to go through all 73 family picture poses. And besides, your son needs to pick out his own pumpkin from the patch! It's not the same as buying one from the grocery store!"
According to sources, Spencer was spotted later that day with his family wearing flannel and a vest, getting his face painted, and going on a hayride despite being highly allergic. Megan comforted him by telling him how they saved money by ordering their family passes early for $50 dollars and that parking was only $20 bucks this year.
At publishing time, Spencer returned the favor by sentencing his wife to a lifetime of him watching hours of football every season and having his entire mood ruined for days whenever the boys lose.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
