MAR-A-LAGO — Hip-hop artist and fashion designer Kanye West was embroiled in controversy this week after wearing a shirt bearing the phrase "White Lives Matter" across its back. Not to be outdone, former President Donald Trump caused a stir of his own as he made a public appearance in an "Orange Lives Matter" shirt.
"It is time for everyone to acknowledge the fact that people with orange skin are just as valued as — and, some say, more valued and more beautiful than — other people," Trump said in a statement regarding the shirt. "Orange people will no longer tolerate being made fun of, and must be treated with the respect they deserve, which is a LOT of respect, I might add."
President Trump's bold fashion statement was quickly met with a barrage of criticism. "The man is nothing but a racist hate-monger," said Georgia gubernatorial candidate Stacy Abrams in between bites of a triple bacon cheeseburger. "Orange people have no business claiming oppression. Donald Trump is a billionaire, and those Oompa-Loompas live in lavish opulence in Willie Wonka's candy factory. Comparing the plight of orange people to other minorities is a slap in the face to truly oppressed people, like me. My election was stolen from me!"
At publishing time, Trump was unapologetic about the shirt, vowing to be the champion orange people have needed for so long. "Our nation is a great melting pot of all races and cultures. We can thank orange people for many of our greatest achievements — including my wonderful presidency. From this day forward, orange people will no longer live in fear, and we will all work together to MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!"
Sources say the trend might be spreading after Florida gubernatorial candidate Charlie Crist was seen at the beach wearing the same shirt.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
