Family
Wife Completely Fine With The Patriarchy As Long As It Mows The Lawn Every Weekend

HALE, MI—Willow and Ryan Wyndin started married life completely committed to equally splitting every task and chore 50-50.  It was a beautiful thing to see as they kept timesheets and shared every responsibility 100% fairly. Willow went off to her job every day and came home to take turns doing things like mowing the lawn, shoveling snow, and sweeping the garage. 

But, eventually, Willow surrendered to the patriarchy as long as the patriarchy was willing to mow the lawn every weekend, saying, "I'm 100% OK with the patriarchy as long as it keeps the lawn mowed and repairs things that break around here."

She is now rethinking her entire career choice and plans to write a book on why feminism should embrace the patriarchy. She also says she'd like to stay home and have a bunch of babies, so long as she doesn't have to touch that lawnmower again.  “I just think it’s so freeing to discover that the way my parents and grandparents and great-grandparents did things was actually really fair. Like, if feminism means I have to mow the lawn, then I’m out. That just doesn’t work for me. And frankly, Ryan always puts the dishes away in the wrong spot when he unloads the dishwasher – that’s so annoying.”

"Stay out of my territory, patriarchy!" 

Ryan is totally cool with the new perspective Willow has on shared responsibility and immediately bought a pickup truck to haul supplies to build his man cave.  He also recently took on a third job so he can pay someone to mow the lawn.  


A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!
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