MINNEAPOLIS, MN — A young student reported a horrifying incident today, as the new Democratic candidate for vice president and current Minnesota Governor Tim Walz reportedly kicked in the stall door of a middle school boys' bathroom in search of any boy who might need a tampon.

In a major legislative win for queer activists, Walz signed a bill to place tampon dispensers in boys' bathrooms. Walz said the move was intended to make sure boys had access to all the feminine products they may need.

"WHO NEEDS A TAMPON?" Walz reportedly bellowed as he kicked in the stall door. "I know some of you are in desperate need of menstrual products! Who is it? I've got plenty of tampons here, boys, so speak up!"

The stall's occupant, Jayden Farmer, said the governor's sudden appearance was frightening. "I was just in there trying to pee in between classes," Farmer explained. "Next thing I know, I hear this creepy old guy screaming about tampons. I tried to stay quiet and wait for him to leave, but he must've seen my feet under the stall because he started kicking the door. It was terrifying."

Farmer said he was able to escape by pointing in the opposite direction and asking Walz "Hey, is that a child in need of puberty blockers?" which sent Walz sprinting off down the hallway.

At publishing time, Farmer said the experience had solidified his new personal policy of never using public restrooms.

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