White 12 Passenger Van Either Belongs To Kidnapper Or Nice Catholic Family
Family · May 19, 2023 · BabylonBee.com

CHICAGO, IL — Authorities have been alerted as to the presence of a suspicious white van at the corner of State St. and Huron. Local sources confirmed that this 12-passenger white Ford Econoline belongs to either a dangerous kidnapper or a nice Catholic family.

"We've been following this van since it picked up a large group of kids outside St. Agnes of Bohemia School," said FBI field agent Dirk Whitley to reporters. "We're not sure if this guy is a run-of-the-mill kidnapper or a Catholic with a crap-ton of kids. Either way, he's probably extremely dangerous."

The van was confirmed to belong to a Catholic family after the van pulled up to St. Peter's Church and dropped off Peter, Paul, Luke, Thomas, Matthew, Joan, Rachel, Rebecca, Diane, Stephen, Mark, and Benedict.

At publishing time, the DOJ had mobilized FBI agents to monitor the dangerous extremists.


Want proof that Jesus was a woke socialist? Look no further than these classic quotes straight from the Bible.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.