GRAND ISLAND, NE — A local child named Clive Genteel has a really dumb favorite dinosaur. Get this, it's a Brachiosaurus! Has he even seen a T-Rex before? That could eat a dumb Brachiosaurus for breakfast.
What a loser!
Experts have definitively proven that the only cool dinosaurs are T-Rex, Velociraptor, and maybe Charizard. But Clive has the audacity to tell everyone the Brachiosaurus is in the same league as a full-grown Tyrannosaurus Rex. Dummy didn't even pick a Triceratops. That at least has cool horns!
Clive asserts that Brachiosaurus is cool because it's so large, and that Velociraptors were only three feet tall and covered in feathers, but that just makes him a bigger loser for thinking he knows better than Steven Spielberg.
Freakin' Clive!
And I'm not the only one. Derrick and Matt also think he's dumb — and they're the coolest guys in 6th grade.
"Check out this dweeb that likes Brachiosaurus," said classmate Derrick. "At least say Diplodocus. It's the longest dinosaur discovered, you dummy!"
For the record, Brachiosaurus was discovered in 1900 by Dr. Elmer Riggs and it only eats plants — which is gay.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
