AURORA, CO — Residents have been filling City Hall with complaints after a city planner successfully placed "No U-Turn" signs at every intersection where any driver might actually want to make a U-turn.
"He he he, this will really tick them off," City Planner Sean Kellar reportedly said to himself as he placed his 300th "No U-Turn" sign that day.
"This is ridiculous!" shouted one local man as he spoke with a city representative. "I'm driving down a divided street, there's no left turn lane, I need to go back the other direction at this light to get to the beef jerky shop, but there's a ‘No U-Turn' sign?! You've got to be kidding me, man!"
City officials had reportedly already launched an investigation to determine if this was done by accident or if the city planner they hired had some type of sinister agenda to throw the town into chaos. "These signs are killing me!" complained another resident. "The worst part? Whenever I'm at an intersection where I would never have a need to make a U-turn, there's no sign! This has got to be some type of sick joke."
When reached for comment, city planner Sean Kellar pled ignorance. "I have no idea why everyone should be so angry about this," he said. "These drivers are the clay, and I'm the potter. Who are they to tell me where I should or should not place a ‘No U-Turn' sign? These streets belong to me. I am sovereign."
At publishing time, as tensions continued to rise at city hall over the placement of the "No U-Turn" signs, Kellar was rumored to be preparing to retaliate against angry residents by making all stop lights in the city take forever to turn green.
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