WASHINGTON, D.C. — House Republicans have placed the job of House Speaker on ZipRecruiter in what political commentators are calling a rare show of unity for the party.
"Kevin McCarthy wasn't good enough!" Rep Matt Gaetz screamed wildly as he entered the job requirements into ZipRecruiter. "Any random person who comes in off the street is sure to be better than him."
The job is listed as full-time with a winking emoji next to it, signifying to applicants that they will receive full-time benefits despite a part-time commitment. The job comes with a salary plus benefits in excess of $223,500 per year. A high-school diploma is required.
"We're kinda desperate here," said McCarthy to reporters. "Since there's clearly no one qualified in our party, we're hoping this job listing helps us find someone quick. We have to impeach Biden before he dies."
Thus far, the listing has received zero inquiries.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
