Man Tells Subway Worker He's Looking For Something With Stopping Power That's Compact And Easy To Conceal

U.S. · Aug 15, 2025 · BabylonBee.com
Image for article: Man Tells Subway Worker He's Looking For Something With Stopping Power That's Compact And Easy To Conceal

WASHINGTON, D.C. — An unidentified man at a local Subway location was seen asking the Sandwich Artist on duty if they had a sandwich that has good stopping power that's also compact and easy to conceal.

The customer arrived at the restaurant and reportedly asked the worker behind the counter if she had anything that would be effective for home defense.

"I'm looking for something lightweight and easy to conceal that I can still pull out in a pinch to stop a threat," the man reportedly said. "Something manageable that won't kick too hard but has sufficient stopping power."

"No olives," he added.

According to Subway, several customers had changed the way they shop for sandwiches, prioritizing accuracy and reliability over flavor. Sandwich Artists have had a hard time keeping up with demand.

"We have, uh, we have our famous Cold Cut Combo. That's good for any occasion. But the Subway Club has a little more bite to it. Is that what you mean?" Nancy Roast, the Sandwich Artist on duty, asked.

The interaction lasted approximately five minutes, with the unidentified customer questioning the durability and carrying capacity of the meatball sub. "Do you sell extra meatballs?" he asked. "What if I'm surrounded and, uh, I run out of meatballs?"

At publishing time, the local Subway branch was shut down pending an investigation after a Subway sandwich sold at the location was involved in a crime.


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