DALLAS, TX — In his keynote speech at the 2026 RNC Midterm Convention, President Donald Trump pledged that if voters defeat socialism in November, they will each get an equal redistribution of wealth from the government.
Trump detailed his plan to take money from taxpayers, divide it up into equal $5,000 shares, and redistribute it to every citizen if they would simply vote to keep socialism at bay.
"Socialism is so dangerous, it's terrifying, really. We have to stop it by whatever means necessary, even if it means redistributing everyone's wealth," explained Trump. "What we'll do is we'll take everyone's money and throw it in a big pile. We'll call it the 'Defeat Socialism Fund', which has a nice ring to it, I think. And if we win, we'll divide everyone's money up equally to celebrate the victory of capitalism and the American way. Every single adult will get $5,000 from the government, which is just how George Washington, who was almost as good a president as me by the way, would have envisioned it."
While many Americans cheered the prospect of receiving large checks from the government, others expressed doubts about the plan. "It just sounds somehow familiar, seizing everyone's money by force and redistributing it. I've got this vague feeling that people have tried it before and it didn't go well," said local man Daniel Beamon. "It seems awfully similar to a system that governments elsewhere have tried, though I'm blanking on what the system is called. I'm not sold on this one, Mr. President."
At publishing time, President Trump had also vowed to reward the defeat of socialism by lowering gasoline costs through the federal government seizing control of private oil companies.
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