WASHINGTON, D.C. — The White House has announced that the new Press Secretary will just be a poster-sized photo of Scott Jennings doing that face he does.
After a week of searching for a replacement for Karoline Leavitt, the White House settled on a 27 inch by 40 inch giclée inkjet poster of the face Jennings makes to the camera when liberal CNN panelists make foolish statements.
"We love what Scott's face brings to the table," said President Trump, making the announcement. "He's been making that face for years, and he's so talented at it. Just look at him. It makes you happy, doesn't it? You can feel the disdain for the losers and haters. That's what the journalists here are, losers and haters, so it's a great fit. Frankly, the press pool is so stupid, they're really very low-IQ people, I think this picture is going to run circles around them, believe me."
The White House Press Corps was outraged by the decision, stating that the lack of an actual human Press Secretary would grossly inhibit their ability as independent media to hold the government accountable for its actions.
"How can an independent media function when they government will not allow us to even ask questions of a real Press Secretary?" cried a CNN reporter. The photo of Scott Jennings, however, only smirked in response.
"Oh, are you making that face because I said we're independent? I'll have you know we are in the pocket of NO political party. We answer only to the American people," retorted the reporter.
Unmoved, the photo of Scott Jennings continued making that face.
"Okay, fine. Maybe that's not true. Ugh. You win this round, Scott Jennings' face."
At publishing time, Trump had announced that he would also be sending the picture of Jennings' face for all future trade negotiations with Canada.
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