BALTIMORE, MD — Visitors to the Baltimore Harbor Pier were startled today after a beleaguered man working the Dippin' Dots ice cream stand shouted angrily at them as they passed by.
"It's still going to happen!" shouted a disheveled Mike Hegstrand at unsuspecting locals. "We're still the ice cream of the future! You'll see! You'll all see!" Hegstrand had reportedly grown despondent in recent months after losing faith that he was doing his part to usher in a new age of ice cream.
Concerned mothers quickly shooed their small children away from the deranged dessert vendor, unsure whether he would resort to violence. "He really seemed unhinged," explained Terri Boatright, who ran to safety with her young daughter. "We were stopping for a little ice cream after we finished shopping, and I made an off-hand comment about how Dippin' Dots has been claiming to be ‘the future of ice cream' since 1988. He took offense and just blew up."
Hegstrand had been working the Dippin' Dots stand for over 25 years, hoping to be at the vanguard of ice cream technology that would sweep around the globe. "It's unlike anything you've ever eaten!" he screamed. "Your simpleminded world will never be the same!" After ranting for several minutes, he was subdued by pier security and detained until police arrived.
At publishing time, Dippin' Dots corporate leaders were rumored to be holding an important meeting to decide whether or not they needed to change the company's slogan to avoid potential outbursts from disgruntled employees in the future.
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