SCOTLAND — As part of a sweeping effort to put a stop to Muslim migrant rape gangs terrorizing the country, UK authorities have begun rounding up and arresting all potential rape victims.
Experts say this will effectively put an end to migrant rape crimes in England, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland.
"We have heard the voice of the people, and we have resolved to solve this problem once and for all," said Prime Minister Keir Starmer. "We will begin by arresting all women under 52 years old, and then we will hide them in highly secure prison cells in an undisclosed location where our beautiful, beloved asylum seekers cannot find them."
"This is for their own safety. We care deeply about our women and girls."
Sources say "Operation Chastity" has already begun, with Scottish polis rounding up all the members of an all-girls' boarding school in Edinburgh. "Whit d'ye mean yer arrestin' me, ya daft bawbag? Ah didnae dae onyhin'!" cried one 12-year-old, brandishing a claymore at arresting authorities. "Let me oot, ye filthy scunner! Freedommm!"
Sources expect the UK to be completely cleansed of the presence of rapable women by the beginning of next year.
At publishing time, the UK had also been forced to arrest all its livestock.
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