DALLAS, TX — As part of a company-wide initiative to increase revenue and provide a greater level of comfort for its passengers, Southwest Airlines announced that, effective immediately, your mom would be required to charter the entire plane to accommodate her.
Despite the accompanying public relations backlash for discriminating against people of size, Southwest said that the policy was intended to make your mom more comfortable during her travel, with clearing out the entire plane being the only effective method.
"It's the only way to have enough room for your mom," said Southwest spokesman Dale Eggert. "We've heard the complaints of our passengers in the past about not having enough leg room or being unable to sit comfortably for long flights. And while we will require plus-sized passengers to purchase two seats, we felt that the best way to accommodate your mom was to make her buy every seat in the aircraft."
Southwest was confident that, while still a tight fit, an empty airplane would be the most realistic way for your mom to travel with the most amount of room. "We're focused on comfort for everyone, including your mom," Eggert explained. "Whether that means requiring passengers to purchase two seats, three seats, or, in the case of your mom, buying out the entire aircraft just to have any chance to barely squeeze in, we're committed to doing what is best for the customer."
At publishing time, Southwest Airlines had also announced that, due to aircraft weight limits, your mom would be required to pay for her bags to fly on a different plane.
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