U.S. — With the midterms finally over, Democrats across the nation felt an enormous sense of relief that they no longer had to keep pretending to be normal.
Ever since the end of primary season, Democrats have had to act like real human beings, an effort that has been enormously taxing.
"It's exhausting, trying to act normal," said Democratic Senator-elect Abdul El-Sayed. "I couldn't hang out with my terrorist buddies or anything. I was honestly starting to slip in the last few days of the campaign. I mean, I just outright said it's okay for me to walk into little girls' locker rooms. You're not supposed to say the stuff I actually believe until after the election. I don't think I could have held on another day. It's a relief to know that I can finally yell, 'Allahu Akbar' as much as I want now."
According to witnesses, Democrats have savored the opportunity to finally cut loose and be their authentic, deranged selves. "Now I can relax and be my creepy self," said Texas Senator-elect James Talarico. "Holding it in every time I wanted to do or say something really disturbing, it's been brutal! I can finally breathe again."
At publishing time, Democrats had announced that all those drag queen story hours that briefly disappeared were "so back."
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