WASHINGTON, D.C. — America took yet another step away from destructive progressive policies and toward a new Golden Age today, as President Donald Trump signed an executive order mandating that the only musical act that can perform at the Super Bowl halftime show is Creed.
In response to widespread public outcry over the announcement that Bad Bunny would be featured at Super Bowl LX, President Trump took swift action to restore order and decency by signing an order that would ensure that, effective immediately, Creed — and Creed only — would play all future halftime shows.
"We're making the Super Bowl halftime show great again, folks," Trump told reporters in the Oval Office after signing the order. "For far too long, our great Super Bowl halftime show has been held hostage by the radical Left. Starting now, the only act that will perform at halftime of the Super Bowl will be Creed. Such a tremendous band. Have you seen them? The guitar riffs are incredible. And their lead singer. What's his name? Scott Stapp. We love Scott Stapp, don't we? ‘Golden Voice Scott' we call him."
As part of the executive order, Bad Bunny was to be detained and immediately deported to Puerto Rico, according to Deputy White House Chief of Staff Stephen Miller, who spearheaded the order. "This is a clear message to the radical Left," Miller said. "We won't tolerate these terrible Super Bowl halftime shows anymore. This is a new day in America. Creed symbolizes a return to what made this country great. Starting this year, and following with every year after, they will, in fact, take us higher."
At publishing time, the White House confirmed that the executive order included stipulations that bald eagles and motorcycle jumps would be included in each Creed performance.
Liberal Brynnleigh witnesses a communist utopia in action!
