U.S. — After 19 days of added time, Pride Month finally came to a close.
Referee Slavko Vinčić blew the whistle to signal the end of Pride Month at 5:36 p.m. Eastern time yesterday, after nearly three weeks of extra time was tacked on to the standard thirty days.
"It's about time," said local man Ben Varner as the final whistle blew. "And boy was it gay to the finish. It was like watching RENT on grass today."
Calls were raised across the nation for a review of the rules regarding the clock for Pride Month, as many felt the amount of stoppage time this year to be egregious. "We can't continue like this," said local woman Bethany Gray. "When the clock strikes midnight on June 30, it's over. I don't care if there's some big soccer tournament every four years, that's no excuse. They gayness stops when the calendar hits July. No one can endure this much Pride."
World Cup fans defended the extension of Pride Month, stating that extra time was necessary because sometimes people get hurt while being super fabulous, so more time must be added on to ensure there was really a full month of gayness. Detractors, however, were not buying the argument. "A minute is a minute and a month is a month," one critic said. "The clock doesn't change depending on whether you're gay or straight. Enough is enough, people."
At publishing time, Americans had proposed skipping the entire month of June next year to make up for enduring July 2026.
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