U.S. — For the first time since 1992, the United States planned to resume nuclear weapons testing. President Donald Trump ordered the Pentagon to resume tests immediately and to "get the guys from Dude Perfect" to do it.
With rival nations like Russia and China making significant strides in their nuclear weapons programs, Trump reportedly determined that the resumption of testing was urgently needed, with the popular YouTube channel being the perfect team to lead the charge.
"Because of other countries' testing programs, I have instructed the Department of War to get the guys from Dude Perfect to test our nuclear weapons on an equal basis," President Trump said in an announcement on Truth Social. "They made a basketball shot from the top of a 30-story building. Just a tremendous shot. Like nothing anyone has ever seen before. And I said to myself, 'That's exactly who we need to head up our nuclear program.' Thank you for your attention to this matter!"
Effective immediately, the Dude Perfect team shifted the focus of its YouTube channel to directly supervise a team of nuclear scientists and military personnel to see if they can get a nuclear bomb to land in a basketball hoop in Afghanistan.
"They did a video where they flip water bottles for five minutes. Did you see that? A lot of people are talking about it," Trump said. "They're the perfect guys to head up our renewed nuclear testing program. I can't wait to watch it on my phone."
At publishing time, Chinese President Xi Jinping was reportedly horrified to learn Dude Perfect was handling the U.S. nuclear testing, and he was actively recruiting Chinese acrobats to spin plates on top of nukes in response.
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