HOUSTON, TX — Local church Crestview Methodist reportedly introduced a fun new "sorting hat" to identify the spiritual gifts of members.
Each Sunday, the Church will invite members up one at a time to have the Sorting Hat consider each person's traits and announce before all what gifts they will share with the local body of Christ.
"Lazy... doesn't like to lift a finger... likes watching others do the work... ENCOURAGEMENT!" the Sorting Hat shouted out after being placed on an 25-year-old-man's head. "Oh-ho! Who's up next?"
The young man, well known for being lazy, was reportedly elated by the revelation. "Wow! Thanks, Sorting Hat!"
Membership was reportedly thrilled by the new Sorting Hat, though adults felt a little silly putting it on. "It felt like it would be more for kids, but it's incredibly insightful," said member John Ableman. "The hat had barely reached my head when it said 'No discernible strengths whatsoever... Parking lot ministry!' I have to admit, it's pretty on point."
A few women reportedly complained of sexism after the Sorting Hat stated, "A woman with the gift of teaching and preaching. I know just what to do with you... children's ministry!" However, the elders stated there is no arguing with the Sorting Hat.
At publishing time, the Church had changed the name to the "Ministry Hat" due to a copyright issue.
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