WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Trump arrived at the National Prayer Breakfast in high spirits Thursday, having been acquitted of all crimes and immorality forever.
But his mood quickly turned sour as the evangelical leaders and ministers continued to talk about "some Jesus guy" instead of discussing the "far more important issue" of his acquittal.
"I'm good with prayer and everything, but shouldn't today be about me?" he grumbled to Mike Pence, who just stood there and smiled. "I was acquitted! Found not guilty! Innocent forever! Most innocent president of all time! And they're all here going on and on about this Jesus fellow who apparently wasn't even acquitted. I mean, he was found guilty, fair and square!"
Pence continued to stand there and smile until Trump finally realized they had sent along Pence's robotic decoy to the meeting. "I hate it when they do this."
At long last, Prayer Breakfast organizers were able to coax Trump into leading everybody in prayer, though he chose an imprecatory psalm to pray against the Democrats.