U.S. — Former President has been indicted by a federal judge in Pennsylvania for inciting an assassination attempt that nearly killed him.
"Trump is clearly at fault for someone attempting to murder him with a rifle," said Judge Paul Stephenson. "He brought this on himself, and we will ensure justice is done."
According to sources, the motion to indict Trump was filed roughly thirty seconds after the failed assassination attempt. "It was obvious by that point that Trump had caused a man to fire several bullets at him," said District Attorney Jan Marsh. "If Trump were not literally Hitler, no one would have tried to kill him in the first place. It's time we in the legal system go after Hitler and not the people trying to murder Hitler."
At publishing time, Trump had been indicted again for Secret Service shooting the would-be assassin.
Kamala Harris is out of a job, but luckily we've got ten great career options just for her.
